Saturday 19th June

At the start of the week I gave myself a very strong talking to. The bottom of my tee-shirts had started migrating away from the top of my jeans, exposing my very unattractive 'muffin top' belly and when standing starkers in front of the bathroom mirror I looked like my Mother (who I loved deeply but did not have a great figure due to three children and a lifetime of never saying no, foodwise!). Even in a steamed up mirror I did not look alluring or even vaguely human so the talk began.

I asked myself what is was that I really wanted. I replied that I wanted to look good. 'You do look good, you have nice clothes, you have your hair done and your shave your bits on a regular basis' 'Okay. To be more specific, I want to look slimmer. I want to feel attractive. I want to be noticed and for people to admire me as a woman in her late forties looking h
er best. I don't want to be invisable any more and I don't want to be a frump. I want to be the Slimming World lady (as known by Morrisons staff) who advertises by looking good'.
'Then get your finger out! Stop messing about, follow the bloody plan and be what you want to be'.

So I have. I can't exactly speak to my members like I spoke to me but the principle is the same. If you want it, work at it and it will come.

So Monday 14th June I went to work equipped with lunch (following Extra Easy), planned dinner and managed with 7.5 syns. Total success, Slimming World genius!

On Tuesday I went to work equipped with lunch, planned dinner, popped in to see Step-Papa and ate 4 biscuits = 14 syns!!!!!!!!! Followed by packet of crisps for 6.5 syns and a slice of tea cake for 5 syns. What the nonsense is that. Total syns = 31.5.

On Wednesday MGA got a job and due to the surprise, shock and relief I agreed to chinese take-away totalling, actually I lost count at 27 syns

As we know the secret of falling off the wagon is getting back on, so after my disappointing two days I got back on the SW horse and scrapped home with a respectable 1 syn day followed by a 6.5 syn day.

Weight loss this week = 0.5 lbs. Not great but a loss!

So today I am as focused as ever. Went to see Step-Papa and promptly had 3 biscuits, total syns 17.5 by 2pm! I am working tonight so will be taking munchies of blueberries, grapes and strawberries. Have knitting (Christening blanket now has date for finishing - July 11th, so will need to improve of 11 completed rows!) and Nutrition course to keep me active and away from the vending machine. I don't like Mars bars but I would chase and kill one in the middle of the night if I had to.

This week I am aiming for 2 lb loss. The moral of this story is that sabotage comes in all disguises. It comes from family who think that they are being nice, polite, accommodating. It comes from ourselves. We get scared, we come out of our comfort zones. I want to look better than I do. I want to be healthier than I am. I joined a gym 6 months ago and have been twice. Why, because when my alarm goes off at 6 am I want to stay in bed for 10 more minutes not chase out for a swim. When I finish work I want to go home and snooze, not go on a cross trainer and sweat my socks off. I want to eat chinese and lose weight, I want to eat biscuits and lose weight. I want to be 20 again and not have to worry. The harsh reality is, I'm not 20. I have to make changes and I have to make an effort to look as good as I dream of being. I have to comply with a healthy eating programme, either that or I have to stop visiting Step-Papa!